LIBYA: Cameron, dear Boy…

Posted: 2011/03/26 in Geopolitics, Musings
Tags: , , , , , ,

Cameron, my dear boy. Now, that I lashed out on your mentor, Sarcozy, you’re turn. Let’s cut the royal formalities and I will just say it straight the MJ Santos way. I want you to sit comfortably in your armchair and shut up. You’re going to have to get used to the fact that now that I am mandated, plus being appreciated as the fearless Ego Bitchslapper on the planet, you are going to swallow this because it is time for you to grow up, laddy. You cannot be tagging behind your mentally retarded mentor Sarcozy like a naïve puppy. Cute, but not in governmental matters. I’m quite sure, you figured out by now he is not healthy for you and your career. Also, I know the propaganda hype, “Join the war, if you want to be a man” may work in fooling many young men to be recruited for World War II. However, I must say in this instance, “Join the war, if you want to be a real Prime Minister” is not the best mantra to embrace. Yeah, just bear that in mind if there is a next time, but the British people will not forget your nincompoop leadership. They asked for CHANGE, what the hell you gave them? Are you SO drama-horny? My cat is more responsible and got class than you are! You know, she wipes her paws after using the bathroom? She should be your mentor!

Do you realize how much restraining we have to do on our part to calm down the Queen???!!!! Dude, I think it is very disrespectful to disturb an old lady’s tea time and restrain her from not going to war so we can haul your ass home, don’t you think? You need to pick up your toys and go home. You need to run the country. THAT was your job. Not goof around like a groupie!

What the fuck are you thinking?! It’s your first year of being a Prime Minister and the British people elected the Tories because they’re tired of the Labor Party and Gordon Brown’s incompetence! Geez man, Brown drove your country’s finance to the ground already and his imbecile idea of inflated stimulus packages gave many people headaches around the world! The AVERAGE PEOPLE are drowning in debt because of that arse! Yes, AVERAGE FOLKS. You know, those people who work 2-3 jobs and kill themselves over measly wages so they can feed their families? And you go prancing around spending 50-60 million pounds over your playtime with Sarcozy following him like a clueless puppy dog because playing OIL MONOPOLY sounds cool?! That’s a bit steep just to make sure you got a little ribbon prize for being the FIRST Western World Leader in Libya with a Savior-Complex?! Why can’t you do what executives like us do, USE THE PHONE! That is such a backward thing to do for a Conservative Politician to waste money over asking Libya to extend the British Petroleum contract, don’t you think? I know Sarcozy needs to save his ass because of his financial scandal, but for crying out loud, what the hell were you thinking, man?! The Queen ASKED you to serve HER Government. She gave you HER trust and you squander HER and HER PEOPLE’s money! Didn’t your parents teach you manners at all?! What gave you the right to just spend monies that are not yours like that?! Use YOUR damn credit card next time.

I know being selected as Prime Minister and leader for your Conservative Party is supercool because it looks great for your curriculum vitae, but we KNEW you were not mature enough for the Leadership job. Still, we gave you a shot. Well, it shows and this you cannot just brush with smooth PR army anymore.

YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN, THE ROYAL HOUSE OF BRITAIN, the ENTIRE UNITED KINGDOM and HER TERRITORIES! DAMN, you are a disgrace to ALL CONSERVATIVES! No, we cannot have any of this! You’re lucky we have to go through the political process. If there isn’t? I would fire you now! But don’t worry. You will be. Call it torture. Beautiful, isn’t? We will make sure you got no job before Christmas. Summer, even better. Yeah, instead of receiving your checks for oil delivery this summer, you’ll get welfare!

The three of you need to go into a rehab: A combination of Economics 101, Foreign Policy for Dummies, Basic Mathematics, Finance (with special emphasis on HOW TO BUDGET), MANAGEMENT and LEADERSHIP 101, Anthropoly, Sociology, International Cultural Communications, Arab Studies, and I will personally make you memorize the Art of War by Sun Tzu and some Confucian Analects! Hillary will have to do extra homework too, since she is very much far behind on Foreign Policy. All of you need and must catch up on your courseworks! Then you need personal tutoring on me HOW TO BEHAVE AND BE A REAL HUMAN BEING! Gosh, you all go to your churches and do remember: THOU SHALT NOT KILL? Which priests advised you: KILL EVERYONE, PLUNDER and SELL? Give me their addresses. I’m ready with my razor blade and shave someone’s head! I’m going to make a monk of him and send him to Tibet! You may join them because ALL OF YOU need to reflect and meditate over your lives! Your Egos are way too much! Sarcozy needs some Anger Management and extra psychological treatment for his mental disorder. I may request that when we send him to jail. I’ll send it for his birthday! With you?
Europe is already struggling with GDPs and they are down 140-162%! You keep nagging everyone to join your little damn Medieval Crusade, Tanzania and South Africa will be richer by summer! France alone will be billed $4 billion for all the damages. I sure hope you got a good calculator because you’re about to get a very hard bitchslapping by the Queen. I’m sure you have read the OFFICIAL STATEMENT from the Royal House of Britain about her outrage. Yeah, those words? No, they were not from the Communications Advisors. They were HERS! We had to clean it up a bit. The Queen doesn’t easily get ruffled because of her strength and very dignified demeanor. So you KNOW based on what HER QUOTE, you’re in BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG trouble, boy.

Do you know how BAD it would have been for you if you got both us royals and First Level Ambassadors (the highest ranking officials) on the planet killed?!! Gawd! You 3 fuckers have put all our lives (and the ENTIRE PLANET) in danger with your trigger happy fingers and asinine leadership!! You’re world leaders now. Think with your brains, not with your dicks and wallets!

Get a dictionary! When you use ”humanitarian” in a sentence, that means there has to be HUMANS in it. But you boys are leveling the entire damn country and making it as a NO LIFE ZONE and just spare the oil. So what were you thinking? Kill the Libyans and have the French, British and American military extract the oil? Well, that may have worked in Iraq because I wasn’t seasoned to tackle you boys. I was observing you. But now that I am mandated to step up because I’ve been groomed enough and mature for leadership, the hell you all are going to be doing the same shit again! No more killing of women, children and animals. I get VERY angry when they are the first casualties of your childish wars! ENOUGH BULLSHIT!

Consider this a personal rant and bitchslap. Don’t worry. This time NONE of you will dare tell me that I’m a woman having PMS (besides you men have worse PMS than I am!). You all better choose your words wisely when you speak to me after my birthday. I am not a child anymore. I am your superior! I know your Egos are squirming because it is humiliating to answer to a ”little girl”, huh? Well, suck it up, boys. This ”little girl” is ALL GROWN UP and now given a BIGGER STICK. As I’ve always said, a WOMAN’s best position is CEO. That hasn’t changed. I like what I do and I am damn good at it. I’m not going to tolerate anymore machismo talk. I’m going to have you all treat ALL WOMEN AS EQUALS and YOU ARE GOING TO LIKE IT (!!!), otherwise…hmm…use your imagination.

You will get our OFFICIAL MEMO that we are in the process of giving the entire British Parliament. I strongly advise that you pack up your toys, reflect and meditate what you’re going to say for yourself on your way home, and start packing your office. There’s a NEW SHERIFF in town and I get VERY BITCHY when I don’t get any sleep for 2-3 months. You people may have even fucked up my love life now, you’re making me rush and feel stressed about my own inauguration, and we had to move the date. Now, I’m missing my own birthday tomorrow because I have to be 40,000 ft in altitude. You know, I HATE IT when unnecessary job nonsense interferes my personal affairs and one of you has to pay for the damages done to our Private Boeing – MY MOBILE HOME! Yeah, I am blaming it ALL on you, Dysfunctionals. Expect our company invoice!

– Lady Michelle Jennifer

  1. […] addressed Cameron and Sarcozy. Now, it is your […]

  2. […] Let’s cut the royal formalities and I will just say it straight the MJ Santos […] Reply LIBYA: Cameron, dear Boy… « The Universal Fusionist 26 March 2011 at […]

  3. […] TRUTH about everything. However, I do encourage to read my “ranting” blog for Sarcozy, Cameron, and Obama for this is the most truthful behind the scenes you can get from anywhere as we found […]

  4. […] bitchslapped Cameron and Sarcozy. Now, it is your […]

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